I present this with my apologies to Ambrose Bierce, who published the original Devil’s Dictionary with occasional revisions between 1881 and 1906. All of these terms have recently become prominent in popular culture. If you’re not sure what they mean, you won’t find much real help here. Our mission is to redefine them without tedious reference to how they are actually used.

awakening. The degree of awareness towards the outside world presented by an undergraduate student during a sociology class Monday at 7:30 am after a weekend spent testing the limits of common sense on all available fronts, but most importantly with regard to regulated beverages.

Hybrid learning. The branch of eugenics where smart people have to marry other smart people until the kids are so bright that they realize almost from birth what a mess adults have made with things.

Cancel Culture. A cocktail of chemicals that can be added to your yogurt to avoid an excess of probiotic effects, especially in the face of lactose intolerance. Highly recommended for long car trips when gas stations are scarce.

Blurday. Initially, the feeling that one day became indistinguishable from the next. For our purposes, the result of not updating your eyeglass prescription for a year and a half because the last thing you want to do is put your chin still in that stupid machine and let your optometrist breathe on you. six inches apart. The first choice is still pretty much indistinguishable from the second choice anyway.

Transgender. Short for ‘gender of transport’, it means temporarily changing one’s gender identity, as expressed in clothing, in order to discourage unwanted attention from men, usually seafarers, for the purpose of facilitating a sea transport experience. more agreable. Usually limited to bordered ballads in which brave 19th century maidens dress in men’s clothes to cross the blue ocean in search of their beloved Sweet William who was foolish enough to accept the king’s shilling. in a pub on the port side. The term, along with the blue jacket and white pants, are thrown out as soon as they reunite, marry, and spawn a full soccer eleven with a son named Reggie as a goalkeeper.

Cisgender. The self-identified gender preference of her biologically female sibling. Should be received with love and acceptance regardless of the content in the firm understanding that we are all equal before God and that it is no one’s business who loves anyway.

Shame on the masks. The abuse that one is likely to encounter to wear or not a mask depending on whether your location is rural, urban, north or south. All the detractors of masks should be seen as crass idiots. Everyone has to make their own decision as to what they’re comfortable with and ignore all the noise. Remember that quasi-political organizations, like the CDC, may have a different agenda than your personal needs.

Intersectionality. The quality of dreading a large, fast moving invisible object coming from the left at a ninety degree angle and capable of flattening its humble vehicle like a discarded can of pop. Most often experienced in key locations like 45th and Bell.

Critical Race Theory. The thought of the two political parties when they ask for money. He argues that the fate of the Known Universe depends on the party’s success in the next election, even though it’s a lean year and there’s no bigger contest on the ballot than the race for Town. Dog Catcher. (Hats off to the superlative Lisa, our animal control officer here in Canyon. Her path with the dogs is like Robert Redford in that Horse Whisperer movie years ago. I would vote for her in a moment if the opportunity presented itself, but I believe the position is named.)

Super spreader. Sites like Gab.com. Indicative of their considerable reach and the similarity of the quality of their products to what I put on my tomato beds in anticipation of a good harvest. Requires just the right mix of nastiness, dishonesty, and computer skills in grade school.

Pog / Poggers. Originally, an indication of delighted bewilderment as expressed on the face of a character named Pepe The Frog. We prefer guilty olfactory people. The poggers would then be people who, with a somewhat callous attitude towards their immediate family members, decided they could go an extra day or two without a shower during the recent Covid lockdowns.

Doomscrolling. Originally spending way too much time reading bad news on social media. It is very bad for your mental health. Alternatively, be an assistant professor of history who has decided that your area of ​​research interest is the work of Nostradamus.

Focus on the fallout from fatigue. An indiscriminate quality dinner starter. After your fifth Zoom hour of the day, you open the refrigerator. All that falls is what you have for dinner.

Dr. Richard Rose is the Director of the Instructional Design and Technology Program at West Texas A&M University. Comments here represent his own views and not those of WTAMU.